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Tuesday, April 6, 2010

Dear Computer, no, I will not restart you.

I haven't been on here in forever. I can feel it too, I feel so stressed and angry all the time. I feel like I need to always hold my feelings back, swallow my emotions. Sometimes I think I've got things under control, and then wham, reality sinks in and I don't. I have a control issue, I like things to go my way and smoothly but I guess that isn't how its always going to work. I'm not a patient person either. Waiting for things gives me anxiety. My thoughts race and I feel nauseous. I second guess myself. Waiting for my interview for my Grad Transitions, yeah that's driving me mental right now. Waiting for my raise. Waiting for a certain someone to open up a bit so I know what I'm doing and feeling. Waiting for Langara. Waiting to see if I can get into the SFU pub to watch a friend play on Friday. Waiting for sleep to take over. Waiting to mature. Waiting to be good at something. Waiting for a hug. Waiting to get noticed. Waiting to be heard. Waiting to be treated nicely. Waiting to be appreciated.
Night time is terrible. Getting to sleep feels like drowning some nights. I feel nauseous and I can't breathe. My mind never stops, and I can't turn my thoughts off. These are the nights I wish I wasn't so alone all the time. Oh well, nights like these and being alone has only made me stronger. :) Maybe I'm high maintenance but I take care of myself.
I'll blog something positive and uplifting tomorrow. Tomorrows a new day. :)

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