I want to be normal.

If you were to just stop living right now and your life was made into a movie, what kind of movie would it be? A comedy? A tragedy? A romance? Some days I don’t know if I’m really living or not. This never ending routine and schedule drives me up the wall. Nothing spontaneous happens, perhaps because my guardians do not give me the time for spontaneous things to happen. If I were to replay my teenage years what would I see? A girl who works, goes to school, stays home every weekend, and blazed a whole lot to escape the hard truths and reality of her situation. That’s not the girl I want to be. I want to be the girl who gets surprised, goes to school, goes to work, and doesn't spend the rest of that time moping around in her house. I miss my life two years ago. I had to lie to get what I want and it got me places. All those lies caught up and landed me in this position. Even a year of being honest wont makeup for the year I lied. They say “Once bitten, twice shy” and live by it. I think it’s ridiculous. How do you expect anyone to show you change when you think that way? How do you expect a person to grow and make mistakes if you have them cooped up in a cage? Let me live. I’ve given up everything and worked hard to change and yet, you’ve shown me no change. And you wonder why I don’t like being at home? Give me a reason not to become the girl I once was. Give me a reason not to lie to you. Give me respect and trust. Stop treating me like some “special” child because I myself have done nothing to deserve that. How I think isn’t my fault. It’s not my fault I’m different. I also don’t understand how one can be so overprotective over someone who’s basically lived through it all and seen it all. I’ve already been exposed to everything without even leaving or going anywhere so what exactly are you trying to protect me from? I’ve tried everything and I don’t know what to do anymore. I honestly don’t even know what you want from me anymore and I’ve given all that I can give. You’re setting yourself up to be lied to. I’ve opened myself up and I’m honest and truthful. You’re the one shutting the door, and when you shut that door where do you expect me to go?