AND my foot's asleep, for the 11th time today.

It's been too long my dear friend. I cannot move my whole leg right now. This is bad, very bad. Oh I was going to say something important here. OH YES, I have some updates.

UPDATE NUMBA 1: SO yeah, totally got owned by that socials provincial. United Nations Organization say whaa? I kept looking around at everyone and we all just kind of looked at eachother like "Wow, we're so screwed right now" But I studied super hard for all my exams and I did the best I could and that's all I can do right? I still feel like there is more I can do though. I hope Mr.Kully got the service hours I handed into his cubby. No disrespect, but this past religion class was SUCH a waste of time. I'm sorry (no disrespect) but in MY OPINION I'm tired of watching african americans play football or basketball and then have to relate it to like, the bible. What an excuse to watch a crappy movie. That class is so sexist it's ridiculous. I don't want to watch some stupid boy movie. PEACE OUTT!

UPDATE NUMBA 2: SO anyone check out my 12 year old sisters new phone? HTC Dream. Yeah with unlimited text and evenings. Now let's think, if i got that a couple years back I wouldnt have racked up a $1200 phonebill. Also, didn't I offer to pay the extra for unlimited text? Yes, yes I did. Did I get it? No, I got my phone taken away. Which is understandable cause it was $1200, but even before the huge phone bill, unlimited texting please? This is because unlimited text would distract me from my studies. And now my 12 year old sister gets unlimited text with a new snazzy phone. Apparently she's earned it, and yeah I see that completely. She's worked hard at school and at home. I'd like to know what I've earned to be honest with you. In grade 8 I got a cellphone, which was free with a plan (remember thoes ghetto flips, the chunky ones with the low grade camera? ohhh yeaaahh =D) with almost no text and no calling. I got accepted to my school, played sports just like my sister and thats what I got. I don't know, perhaps I'm just ranting and over exaggerating, but I think I might have gotten jipped. Yeah sure I got a razr when they were cool, only because my ghetto phone broke on me, and my mother got a snazzier phone than me. I mean I like that I bought my own phone and pay for it now. No one can take it away from me, I worked for it and pay for it. I just think it's stupid that if they would have just excepted my $20 a month we could have saved all the drama. And they learned this and gave my sister everything I ever wanted. I'm probably going to look back at this and think "wow, i rant too much and i'm too upset over nothing" but right now this is a big deal to me . I work hard, really hard actually. I do the best I can in school, it may not show on my marks but I do the best I can. I do appreciate going to a private school and I do try to take advantage of it to the best of my capabilities. I hold down a job and I have now for a year, I work almost 20 hours a week. I also help out at home when I'm not sleeping because Ive had a busy hecktic day. Id like to see any other 16 year old do that. I don't party, I don't get drunk. I'm responsible. Now let's see, what have I gotten? Things dont always get handed to me, I work for them. So I'm sorry if my room is a mess, and I'm sorry I havnt unloaded the dishwasher today. I'm exhausted and unappreciated. At my school, at my job, at home. You know what? I try to be the best daughter/sister/friend/girlfriend I can be and if you can't see that then I dont know what to say. What do I get for doing all of this? Huh? All I've done is try to earn trust and I think I've done a pretty damn good job. I feel I've earned more then I've recieved, which is hardly anything. Not trust wise but in other situations. This has nothing to do with a phone really, it has to do with respect. I'm not mad at my sister, she's doing the best she can, and I'm doing the best I can with what I've got too. Perhaps you dont remember but, grade 11/12 and working and trying to be a good daughter? Yeah, that's the hardest thing. I have too much to stress over right now. I need to figure out what I'm doing with my life, what school I'm going to go to, how I'm going to pay off student loans, when I'm going to move out etc. I work hard in everything I do and no one notices, and if by chance you do notice, no one brings it to my attention. "Wow Jess, you're doing a great job" That's all I ask for. I buy my sister things and spoil her, I get my mom things like little bracelets, with dad, i have no clue what to get him but I talk to him and tell him almost everything. So why do I feel like I've disapointed my family? I shouldn't. I guess this is what happens when you swallow other peoples shit and bottle up your problems at home, at school and especially at work. When you just ignore the crap around you and don't speak up. I just go around saying "Yup, okay sounds good, sure." I'm allowed to rant and cry for a bit before I clean out my closet. I feel that I've deserved that. This may not be how you feel or see it but this is how I do, so I'm sorry if you feel I'm being irrational. I'm over it now, the time has come to spoil myself because I've realized that people take other people for granted and in the end, the only person you can depend on 100% for love, support, and other things is yourself.

UPDATE NUMBA 3: This payday I need to buy: A bikini. Also I'd like to get my nose pierced this summer, a tiny little stud. It suits me. I guess I'll ask my mother if I can get that considering I've worked my butt off all year and hey! It's me. This is what I like, this is who I am. No biggy right? I think I've earned it :)

UPDATE NUMBA 4: This summer I'm going to be a teenager. I'm going to go and have fun at the beach. I'm not spending it going to summerschool and then going to work til 930. Oh also, I'm not going to get all closing shifts, I'm going to work my way into morning shifts. Wow, I'm turning 17 next month but it feels like I'm turning 24 or something.

UPDATE NUMBA 5: (If you've gotten this far let me know, I want to congradulate you) I've realized that in life, you can't depend on others. You have to be your own best friend at times. I think I think too much.

UPDATE NUMBA 6: Woooo I'm dating Steve and I've had so much fun going out and living life! This past month has been awesome, I'm so so happy. And I think this happy attitude has reflected at home. Nothing can get me down! (expect update numba 2) GUESS WHO GETS TO GO SEE BLINK 182 AND THE ALL AMERICAN REJECTS?!?! moi! So happy. THANKYOU STEVE FOR THE AWESOMEEST BIRTHDAY PRESENT EVA!

HHHMMM, I don't think people read my blog, some days I hope not, others I do. Oh well, this is me. Feel free to learn and grow with me. I'm young. Maybe someone will read my blog and understand me. Some may read it and say "Ah yes I remember when I was a teenager and I thought that too. She'll learn". Some may disagree. Some may even learn from my past mistakes. I'm not going to be fake in my own blog and say "OMGOMGOMG LIFE IS SO GREAT I LOVE EVERYONE" Yeah I love my family, and yeah I love my friends, but life is a rollercoaster and nothings perfect. People get on everyones nerves. I guess i write in this blog to let off some steam and to remind everyone that no ones life is perfect, everyone has their ups and downs. Like for example 'UPDATE NUMBA 2' Yeah I feel that way now, but in a few days or months or years i'll look back and laugh and think "wow, i was misguided" Maybe I dont see something my parents see right now and I'll see it in the future. But right now I'm a teenager and I'm thinking WTH MAAN! This is living, this is life. Take things one step at a time and don't be afraid to fall sometimes. Everyone changes, what I feel about a certain situation now isnt how I'm going to feel about it tomorrow, or the next or months from now. Cause I'll go through another experience, learn and grow from it and try to become a better person. This blog has gotten far too long.

Now, I better go clean up the clothes from my floor and make my mother happy for when she comes home from work. I hope I can go to Annies later today after cleaning and get icecream with Steve!

Live life, stay strong,
Jessica xoxo