let the rain of what i feel right now come down

It's my spare and I've spent it alone sitting in front of my locker with my laptop at hand listening to Califone- Funeral Singers. It smells like paint and sweaty construction workers. My favourite smell of all time. Everyone walks to awkwardly in the hallway, like they're put on the spot or something. "Oh my God a senior, quick act cool act cool" I don't even know the kids in my own grade who I've been in classes with for 5 years, what makes you think i'm going to know you? To the younger grades i'm known as Amanda's older sister, Jessica. Seems everyone knows everything about me. Thanks Amanda. The girl walking by walks on her heels, I hate those kind of walkers. Heel walkers, they always need to make a ruckus. YES WE SEE YOU.

Our halls are covered in pictures that the Brothers take of us. It suppose to make us feel like a community, like a family. Except I see the same kids in each picture. How exactly is that suppose to be comforting? I'm in a few, but what about the group who sit in the halls drawing anime versions of themselves? Seems to me no one cares about them. My school has taught me that there are no such thing as a second chances, and the only second chance you get is if you sleep with a teacher. Then they try to promote you and give you all of these awards to cover up the fact that you slept with a teacher. Disgusts me how corrupted city schools are. So basically what I've learned is that if you want to get anywhere in life, sleep around with the higher ups, frame and step on people, and act innocent and lie to get your way. That or pay them off.

Enough bitching, it's beautiful out. It's sunny but misting all at the same time. I hope I see a rainbow! The wireless internet works at the school again and I'm thrilled. Now I have something to do in my pointless classes. HOLY CRAP ALMOST FORGOT. Today in Economics class we watched a white trash woman beat a rabbit, hang it upside down, skin it, and gut it. It was terrifying.

I chopped my bangs, people are concerned for my well being. I just needed change okay?! I'm currently in the bathroom now at my school to check out the monstrosity that is myself. It's not that bad actually, not too bad at all. A little different for the crew that goes to my school but other than that it's pretty normal.
Back to the hallway I go. I'm waiting for Sev to get out of chem so we can go get some butter chicken, I doubt I'll finish it, it's so much its ridiculous. Why do guys walk so weird? (back to people watching) WOW, they must think i'm some little creepy chick with fringed bangs, and hot pink lipstick, watching people walk by. Keep my eyes on my laptop. What an LG thing to do, school bathroom pictures. I was trying to show Colton via text at school on my spare. Look how happy I am to be at school XD


Anyways, another thing I don't understand is why guys have to shove each other in the halls. Girls prefer polite guys, but we settle for the assholes who think too much of themselves. A girl is just looking for someone to protect her, even the toughest most independent girls are just looking to feel secure,  loved and beautiful. Very few teenage boys seem to realize this. Look at a girl and treat her like you would your daughter in a sense. Don't treat a girl with disrespect because perhaps another guy is doing the same thing you are to your future wife and you don't even know it. Today, fathers are temporary in our lives. They're either always working, or have their hobbies or are separated from our mothers. Fathers and daughters don't have the same relationship they had years ago. So the daughter looks towards a boyfriend or male in their life for comfort and security. Don't baby us, just be there for us. This is either a good or bad thing.

Bell bell please ring. I feel so high school waiting for this annoying noise to control what I do during the day. School of Seven Bells- Half Asleep. Funny how that'd be playing. Bell is going to ring in a few minutes, finally butter chicken!